Salesmen and Dogs: A Comparison

x      =       exhibits characteristic

―      =       does not exhibit characteristic

	Salesman	Dog
Hunts to Survive	x	x
Charming when necessary	x	x
Loyal	―	x
Always glad to see you (pre-sale)	x	x
Always glad to see you (post-sale)	―	x
Smells its prey's weakness	x	x
Requires grooming	x	x
Enjoys doing what he's told	―	x
Does what he's told	x	x
Best trained in a crate	x	x
Fits in with the pack	―	x
The young ones are cute; the old ones droopy	x	x
Cats are onto their tricks	―	x
Obsessed with fashion	x	―
Not good with paper work	x	x
Obsessive	x	x
Understands money	―	―
Scratches embarassing body parts - self	―	x
Scratches embarassing body parts - others	x	―
Means what he says	―	x
Pouts when he doesn't get his way	x	x
Loves to play fetch	x	x
Doesn’t reciprocate when playing fetch	x	x
Drives a nice car	x	―
Chases nice cars	x	x
Learns how to behave through positive reinforcement	x	x
Rebels against punishment	x	x
Happily sniffs alpha dog's butt	x	x
Been seen playing poker	x	x
Exudes self confidence	x	x
Constantly sheds old dead coat for newer, shinier coat	x	x
Gets along with others	x	x
Sometimes named after saints	x	x
Enjoys children poking and pulling his ears	―	―
Tolerates children poking and pulling his ears if it gets him what he wants	x	x
Barks when stressed	x	x
Could be reincarnation of a saint	―	x
Sometimes fakes being hurt to get his way	x	x
Kind to secretaries	―	x
Drools when he sees what he wants	x	x
Always scraping for better position amongst peers	x	x
Did well on High School SATs	―	―
Talked about nicely by others	―	x
Wishes he had studied to be a lawyer instead	x	―
Dreams of chasing something when he sleeps	x	x
Dreams of being chased when he sleeps	x	x
Anxious	x	―
Wonders if others are watching when he exercises	x	―
Eats the same food every meal	―	x
Drinks the same drink every meal	x	―
Makes for interesting reading	x	x

Man Seeks Dog

Wanted

A Pet, a Dog

A Boy's Dog

A dog I can get old with.

Looking for a non-shedding don't-make-me-sneeze dog. Must be into melding minds. Appreciation of Buddhism appreciated, but not a must.

You: Cute, active, enjoys a day on the trails, but evenings home in front of the telly. Digs cold weather, but grooves on a summer day. Lives in the now. Willing to teach me how to live in the now. Willing to sit with me, and meditate.

Enjoys books. Not slippers.

Me: Hard to follow, but still I expect it. Likes long walks down secluded paths, some alive with prairie dogs, some without. Smells. I like a path that smells, but I don't get close like you might want to. That's fine, do your thing. I'm not going to watch. I won't judge.

Must appreciate our differences.

Must enjoy quiet walks, as well as the loneliness of a quiet walk.

I prefer young, but I don't want to appear rigid here in public, so whatever age you are, you should at least say hello.

Send pictures please.

I want a dog who's not afraid to tell me what they're thinking.  But more than that, I want a dog who lets me tell them what I'm thinking.

That's really why I want a dog. Someone to tell my thoughts to.

That's how it's going to be between us. Me telling you stuff. Not that I'm bossy, I'm not bossy. I just want to tell you stuff. It'll be nice, a nice diversion. Doesn't mean we won't enjoy one another's company. Perhaps we'll enjoy one another's company more, this way.

Must be able to listen.

Must come when called.

Must sit, stay, roll over when asked. Can you shit on command? I want to help you shit on command.

Teach you how to stick your paw out. I like a dog with a firm shake.

Can we agree on that?

Me: Willing to work with you.

You: possibly a Rottweiler? (PS, I love Rottweilers. You could be #1―on the list of dogs I'm considering.) If Rottweiler, females only, please. You big bowsers, you're too hard on a leash. The girls are just the right size. Plus there's an insurance agent next door, and you know how they can get.

Labradoodles, don't be shy, would love to hear from you.  I admire a dog with a brain. Sometimes, I like to think of myself as a dog with a brain. Maybe you're brainy enough to tell me, explain―why are there so many different types of Labradoodles? F1's, F2's, F1B's, F― that.  Are you tough? Can you handle yourself? I mean, a dog like you and a me looking like me, walking around, we'll gonna get picked on. We're gonna get in fights. You up for a fight?  Cause that's why I really want a dog, you know. Someone to go out and get in fights with. Tell folks it's not our fault. It's just how we are. It's our nature.

Beaucerons, Pharaoh Hounds―we've had our time together, and you've taught me so much. Let's not cheapen it. Let's not try to figure out if we were really as good as we remember.

That's why I want a dog. Someone to show me my faults. That's what it's really about.

Look, I don't want to appear pretentious. I'm just talking, you know. I'm like that. I talk. Just don't get tired of me talking. You don’t have to understand what I'm saying, just don't get tired of me saying it.

All relationships fake a little.  Ask the Beauceron.

 

Ask the Pharaoh Hound.

Must enjoy hikes, but not every day. Should like cold weather, breaking snow tracks, and be leash-trained well enough that I can keep my hands in my pockets on cold winter strolls, in case I forget my gloves. Or they're missing.

Please don't take this next part as abandonment and go chew up my socks or something, but I bicycle summer mornings, and you're not invited. It won't be good for you.

That's why I want a dog.  So I can go bicycling by myself. Then go home, and there's someone there to come home to. Glad to see me. That's the real reason I want a dog.

I like Dobermans. Did I mention Dobermans? Boston Terriers?

No shedding please.

Is there anyone out there who can help?

A Buddhist Birthday Wish for a dawning new year

 

Holbrook Jackson said:

   "Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."

I say:
  "And then some."

h

In the Animal Realm,

beings are solid and predictable,

clinging to the ordinary,

and fearful of what seems out of the ordinary.